So, what's next?

I feel like a majority of you reading this are pretty close in age to me – so let me just lay it ALL out there, because you can probably relate. I am graduating in a month, getting married next month, going on a honeymoon, moving in a few weeks and starting my dream job fulltime. Yay!!! How exciting, right? Why am I waking up with anxiety then? Worry? Disappointment? And an overwhelming amount of… underwhelming feelings.

Carter looked at me after I shared with him my devotional this morning (note - I'm already crying at this point) and he said, “What in the world has our world done to weddings?” (To which I started bawling haha!)

We went out to the property we are getting married on this last weekend to have some quiet time. I was looking out at the water with butterflies and then turned around and to my shock – I saw the plot of land across the street marked off with building tape. Out of all the beautiful things I have dreamed being a part of my wedding, dump trucks were never in that picture! While, the building process may not even be started by the time we get married, the construction can totally be avoided in our photos/video and the ceremony is facing the water - my heart was still wrestling with disappointment. Why? Because it’s not “picture perfect.” Girl, I thought, “Well isn’t this the story of my life.” This morning I woke up and was talking with God about the worry I have. We are doing a pretty simple wedding, something I originally, was over the moon about. We are saving so much money, keeping it intimate, classy and beautifully elegant. So why, all of sudden, do I feel like some of that joy has been stolen?

The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. I am marrying the man of my absolute dreams. I have never met a kinder, more peaceful, respectful and godly man. I am doing that in front of an audience of one. We are not just committing ourselves to each other, but to God. Does God care if that’s on a mountain, in a church building, in front of three hundred people, in front of one person, with a huge wedding dress and heels, or some shorts and flip flops… no. He doesn’t care at all. But he DOES care about what our hearts look like in that process. Are you just focused on your dress? Your hair? Your decorations? Your music? Your guests? Yeah, I’ve been there. Your hair will fall out by the end of the night, your flowers will die, and your guests will go back home and continue on with their lives.

You, though? You just married the love of your life. Don’t waste that reality on all of the silly details that don’t matter. What does your heart look like in that? Do dump trucks matter to you? Because HONEY – all the dump trucks better be showing up for my wedding because those are going to make some super fun photo props.

This brings me to a pretty big point. Is this not our actual reality? We create these perfect facades through social media or with how we present ourselves, but life is still hard and is still happening right across the street, just like the construction at the wedding. The day we say, “I do,” we will begin a new step in the process of creating our foundation, just like the house across the street. While the wedding is white, pure and perfect, there’s also a very realistic side… the dirt, the hard work, the building, the time, the energy, but it’s all being put towards a beautiful, safe and redemptive product.

Like I said at the beginning, I’ve been in a weird place. A lot of the life I have known is changing. Same with Carter's. It’s exciting and thrilling all that same time, but there is also a sadness about leaving the life you’ve felt safe in. I have been waking up with worry all throughout the night and just listening for what God is trying to tell me. The other night when I woke up, I heard the word, “Run!” When I prayed about it, I felt God calling me to just run, run as fast and as hard as I could to him. In my last season of big growth, I felt God asking me to sit still. This time though, I feel like he is asking me to flee from all temptation, doubt, comparison, judgement, fear and let him meet me in that battle of fleeing from a life that is always striving for more.

I recently bought a devotional book called, “Seeing Beautiful Again,” by Lysa Terkeurst. One of the devos challenged me to think about something I’ve secretly been pretty scared of:

So, you get the guy, you got a ring on your finger, you get the place, you do the wedding, you graduate, you nail all the awards, you get your dream job and then as quickly as it all happened – it’s all over. You’re sitting in your apartment, with the same job, the dishes are stacking up, the laundry needs done, your hair is falling out, mascara is actually a very hard task, you need to get groceries, no more gold stars for doing everything right – WHAT’S NEXT? We live in a hungry culture, a culture that begs to see what you’ve done next, your next big accomplishment, the shock factor, the big events and the list goes on and on. Now - how big will your first house be? When are you having kids? How many? Oh look, my kid is better than yours! Did you see little Jimmy get that big goal in soccer?! Samara, did you put on weight? Is that a wrinkle? Where are you and your family traveling to next?

It will always be something. When do we say hell no and start saying heaven yes?

So, what does it look like to live a life that is fully satisfied with the everyday, beautiful and somewhat routine aspects of life? What does it look like when the world screams at you asking, “What’s Next????!!?!?!ahyaiufibaj?!?!” and you answer with… “Actually, nothing really! I am loving my life and overwhelmed with peace. All my tanks are overflowing with joy from the Lord, I am honoring and deeply loving my husband, I am taking care of my body, soul and household, I am being kind and good to others and loving them well! OH! And my dishes aren’t done and I’m getting cellulite on my butt, but I am feeling gooood!”

NOW THAT IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!! How about that for living!!!

Can I get an, AMEN?!

That’s what needs to be NEXT in our lives. Because those are things that really matter. That’s what matters to God – what our hearts look like and what we choose to do with the fact that sometimes they just ain’t right!

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! Can I get a Heaven YES!

So – what’s next for you, girl? Me? I’m calling on all the dump trunks, all the dirt and all things real.

In my honest words,

Samara Faith