HE is for YOU.

It was a lot. I just had to pull the car over and cry. So, I sat there… and cried, listening to the words of the song playing repeat the words, “He is for you. He is for you. He is for you…” When I made it back to my place that day, I hung up my keys and coat, and sitting there on top of my trash can were the words “He is for you,” written on a scrap piece of paper. Carter came over for coffee that morning and said he felt those words spoken over him during his quiet time after I left, so he wrote them down and then tossed the paper in the trash. I couldn’t stop weeping.

Let’s rewind a bit. I think we can all agree the last year was an absolute whirlwind of unpredictability, important lessons, and change. And while my family and I have been blessed with our health, unfortunately, I wasn’t entirely the exception to that story.

In fact, I was weeks away of moving to another state to begin my journey with the company I have dreamt of working for since high school, when I got a call that my offer was entirely rescinded due to the pandemic.

I was crushed. I was in such a tough spot of wanting to run from so much – relationships, family, rejection and moments from my past that I wasn’t ready to find healing from. This job was my way out, my redemption… and then, just like that, it was gone.

When I found out, I put on my sneakers and just started running, trying to process what I was going to do. The song (yo, I like music haha) that came on had these words: “God I look to You, I won’t be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do. God, I look to You, You’re where my help comes from. Give me wisdom, You know just what to do.” I clung to those words and just tried to trust that maybe his ways really are higher than my ways, and his thoughts higher than my own.

About a month later, my best friend and high school sweetheart proposed to me (*insert happy tears*). I wouldn’t have been home for that blessing, as I would have been busy working that job. God blessed me with time to rest in that excitement and find healing from so much during that time.

As I approached the start to my senior year of college, I began feeling that little pressure to figure out what I was going to do for work after graduation. I still wanted that role I lost (sooo badly), but it didn’t make sense anymore. I was getting married – I couldn’t move there… Right?! So, I gave up on that particular dream and decided I was going to settle for something a little different. But girl, the Lord was just not having that. He said, “March right back out there and keep going! We don't settle. Do you not trust that I am capable?”

I ended up getting interviews for the role and landing that dream job, all while still having the ability to live with Carter after we get married (*more happy tears*). The day I got the offer, I logged into Instagram and saw a post made from my church at Purdue (they had no idea I got the job that day). It was a photo of me that quoted something that I said at the start of the semester: “I have always said those cliché things like ‘Oh, give it to God.’ ‘Hand that over to God.’ This time I had no choice. I could not hold onto my plans any longer. They were His, and He let that be known in the most tender of ways.... His ways are so much higher than our ways. His thoughts are so much higher than our own.” – THE SAME DAY I GOT MY OFFER – the offer that wouldn’t even be possible if C-19 never happened. The one thing I had thought wrecked my plans, God used to be the bridge to make my dreams possible.

So – my car ride where I was crying to the words, “He is for you” – let’s talk about that.

I pulled over, not overwhelmed with the hope that maybe God would allow for me to have this job, but overwhelmed with that fact that we follow a sovereign God, a good God, an all-knowing God, a kind God, a patient God, a God whose thoughts are not our thoughts. I felt so at peace with not nailing the job, because I had just witnessed God faithfully hold my hand through so many personal trials – I knew He was for me. It didn’t matter what it ended up looking like, but that it was His sovereign plan for my life.

This time, my prayers were answered with a, “Yes,” rather than a “Wait.” While that won’t always be the case, I am so grateful for this opportunity and for what he taught me on my journey to it.

Maybe you’re in the waiting time. My encouragement to you – do not wish it away. Sit back in it and let him tenderly love you. Some of the sweetest memories of my life just occurred in the last three months of my "unknown." I would take cold morning runs, talking and crying to God, letting him love on me and teach me what it actually looks like to walk (more like chaotically tumble) by faith in the unknown. I’ve never known a sweeter love. He was so patient with me, listened to every doubt, wiped every tear. Don’t waste that precious time and when the waiting is over – you go tell the world what your God did, regardless of if the door opened or closed.

I learned it doesn’t actually matter whether the door opens or just remains shut, because I know that in all things my God is for me. And without a shadow of a doubt, I know that HE IS FOR YOU.

In my honest words,

Samara-Faith

Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.